Sunday, August 5, 2012

Goodbye, YWAM.

I recently ended my journey with Youth With A Mission after being a student, volunteer, then a staffer for the past 25 months. Compared to other YWAMer's, like the YWAM Vegas Director, Rich Thompson-who has been in YWAM for 25 years-I am a "YWAM baby". And perhaps I am leaving too soon in the eyes of some, and waited far too long for the likes of others. But in the eyes of my Master I have stayed long enough to learn enough.


I've learned a lot during my short time with YWAM, too many lessons to count actually. Some lessons were like drinking water on a hot day, others were like trying to swallow the whole cow in one chew before it gave its last "moo". Others were like drinking wine for the first time-it burns as it goes down but oddly enough the taste is often delightful leaving you wanting more. Sometimes I felt like I was downing vinegar as a mean middle school double-dog-dare; but most of the time, I was able to come out with a smile on my face, eager to move on to what God had in store for me next.


Some of the hard lessons I had to learn involved things I had challenged myself to overcome in a video diary I had made the week prior to my YWAM Kona Discipleship Training School. (Funny thing about it is when I made the video telling myself what to learn in YWAM I had not yet been accepted into YWAM.) Some of the hardest things I had to learn which Past Me told Future Me to learn involved " giving grace to [A, B, C, and yourself]", "serving your guts out", and accepting the truth that "[you] can change the world."


Granted, I am nowhere near where I need to be in order to be fully used by the Lord, or change the world, but I am much farther along than where I was. My slate is clean and I am learning how to forgive myself as much as I am willing to forgive others. I finally don't have any enemies, just a few friends who test me. A lot. I don't have any regrets, but at the same time I have unresolved dreams that have yet to come true. In time they will, and I know it because I am trusting in the Creator of those dreams.


When I joined YWAM, I went in with the mindset of changing man as I had been changed six months prior. Unbeknownst to me, the Lord wanted to show me I cannot change man, I can only change myself. I can't change how others think or work or minister, but I can step in and help. I can be used by God to maybe help them change, but I cannot change them myself, because I am too human. I am too broken. I am too me to do anything about you. I have a plank in my own eye with Scripture that fills the board with "I am holier than thou" words taken out of context. It's taken 25 months to erase a lot of those words, break most of the board, and see past my own nose. But at the same time, I still have a long way to go.


The glory of this transformation which brought me from a sinner to a Sin City Saint, from the pauper to the Princess, from Lauren Patton to "Honor and Victory, The Trustworthy Lamb" must hands down go to my Abba Father, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. The one and only I AM. Thank you, Jesus Christ. None of this would have been possible without you, and I am stoked to see where we will go next in Texas...
I love you, 
Saint.




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