Three Major Fears of Mine:
1. Death
I am staying at YWAM Salem for the week for a work conference called "WAVES" which is used to bring other YWAMer's who work for Mission Adventures together to better our programs. (See previous post "Mission Awesomeness" for details.)
During this time we had to go through their "ropes course." I had never heard of, much less seen, a 'ropes course' until my eyes grew the size of saucers and my mouth gaped as I saw a "ropes course" means you are attached to cables in trees and climb around on ropes, planks of rickety wood, barrels, and other such things which basically make you like Tarzan-but attached to rock climbing stuff (sorry, I don't know the correct terminology) for safety precautions.
Also note, it does not help to be the daughter of an insurance-defense attorney and have the boys in your group joke about the cables breaking. Not one stinking bit.
.JPG)
30 foot drop swing, I screamed like someone was about to murder me. LOL.
1. Death
2. Free falling
3. Heights--when I am not securely fastened
This week I had to come face to face with numbers 2 and 3, and who wouldathunk that Jesus was going to use those fears to teach me a valuable, life lesson.
I am staying at YWAM Salem for the week for a work conference called "WAVES" which is used to bring other YWAMer's who work for Mission Adventures together to better our programs. (See previous post "Mission Awesomeness" for details.)
During this time we had to go through their "ropes course." I had never heard of, much less seen, a 'ropes course' until my eyes grew the size of saucers and my mouth gaped as I saw a "ropes course" means you are attached to cables in trees and climb around on ropes, planks of rickety wood, barrels, and other such things which basically make you like Tarzan-but attached to rock climbing stuff (sorry, I don't know the correct terminology) for safety precautions.
Also note, it does not help to be the daughter of an insurance-defense attorney and have the boys in your group joke about the cables breaking. Not one stinking bit.
The first test, which tackled number two head on, was a giant 25 foot climb to a 40ish foot drop rope swing. In this exercise you have to climb a pole to a small platform 25 feet off the ground, then become attached at the hip to a free-swinging-cable and either step off the platform or scoot off. Several minutes of mustering up courage later, I chose to blindly scoot and am pretty sure the whole 16 acres of the base heard my blood-curdling scream as I swung freely in the woods, hanging onto two canvas handles and nothing but a wire cable saving me from plummeting to God's creation and seeing St. Peter. After the third swing I stopped screaming and began to feel safe and have fun. And just to let the rest of the group know I was okay, I thought it appropriate to scream, "I'm alive!" After the sixth I was ready to be back on solid ground.
After the 12 of us, in my group, had gone our fearless leader and ropes course guru, Carson, briefed us about how it felt to swing. He also brought up a very interesting point in asking what it was that held us the entire time. Of course we answered, "the cables?" "caribbean?" "the cables?" "each other as we held on while the others climbed?"
Carson shook his head smiling, "Nope. It was the trees."
(Whaaaa?)
He continued saying, "God created the trees which held the cables, the caribbean, the ropes, the handles, everything. God also created those trees to be strong enough, and rooted enough to never let us go and to withhold 10x our own weights... And just like in reality, God is symbolized by the trees in that He will never let us go. We just have to take that step (or scoot) of faith and see where He wants to take us."
Was I scared to death to make that scoot off? You betcha. Would I regret it forever if I never made the jump? You better believe it. God used this swing to show me, physically, that it's okay to be afraid. It's okay to not believe, at first, but I have to take that step of faith into emptiness, into the unknown, into the crazy drop of heaven knows what awaits me, to receive the reward.
We continued through the forest to another ropes course which was a legit obstacle course in the sky. My best way to describe it is this:
Imagine 1 foot wide by 3 foot long planks attached by ropes followed by 2 foot wide swinging ladders, then tight-rope-cables with buoys to maintain balance, giant "U" shaped ropes all different lengths in a row creating a "rope bridge" and lastly a small platform that doubles as a zipline like those you see on a playground, all about 20 feet -30 feet off the ground with platforms in-between for resting points.
In other words, for someone who is scared to death of free falling and heights when not securely fastened (like in roller coasters), an absolute nightmare.
After each obstacle a small three foot platform is built around a tree so you can wait for others to cross without having extra dangers in the way. (Which comes in handy when you are already accident-prone-walking-blonde-moments-around-every-corner-like me.) Unfortunately, a mishap was inevitable during this course because God was not yet done in teaching.
While I was halfway through the "U" shaped ropes line I missed my step (also remember these things are only attached at the top, there were several times I almost did the splits) and soon found myself spinning to the right. I was holding onto the ropes of the first loop as well as the second in my attempt to balance myself, which instead caused me to twist them to the point I became stuck. I struggled to twist it back around and soon found my right leg slip and became a tangled ball of human and rope.
I called out to Carson, fearful as I could feel my hands slipping. (I completely forgot that I was harnessed. All I could think of is that I was falling, I was stuck, and I was scared out of my mind.) Several people called out, but their words all jumbled together. My fear clouded my mind and I closed my eyes so as not to look down at the dooming ground 20 feet below. Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity, I muscled the strength to shift my hands and pull myself up using only my arms. I finally became vertical again (rather than loopy-horizontal) and with deep breaths and concentration-along with the help of my friend, Ahnna, who was behind me and could see where my leg was stuck-I was able to free myself.
I made it to the second to last platform where I saw the last obstacle: the ziplining platform big enough for two. I had not gained enough confidence so I asked Ahnna to go with me. We pushed off as hard as we could and almost made it across. The pole on the platform was barely out of reach, but I thought with my long arms I could make it. Sadly, I missed it and fell completely off burning my hands as I gripped the side ropes of the zip line to as not to fall. I ended up falling anyways, with a jerking reminder that my harness was holding me up as it got caught against my neck jerking my head to the left. Once again had to pull myself back up, and someone had to go beneath us and take the extra rope to pull us to the last platform.
To say I was grateful to be on solid ground where the farthest I can fall is 5 feet 11 inches is the understatement of the year. Much like Red Three on The Pacifier after her older sister drove them to school, I was ready to kiss the ground and praise God for the most wonderful creation known to man.
Embarrassed and extremely sore, the Lord started speaking very clearly to me. "This exercise is symbolic of your life right now. You need to understand that even though you feel like you are in one, giant, big mess you an get out. It's not the end of the world. I am still holding on to you, even if you let go of me. But I have equipped you with just enough strength to pull yourself up, and to get out if you would only take a breath and a step back to see where the problem lies. You can get out of this, L, you just need to allow your trust in me overtake the fear that clouds your thoughts."
As for the platform falling he spoke again saying, "Your dreams are indeed closer than you think. You can see them, you're nearing, but you are not quite able to grab them just yet. Don't grow greedy in your patience, wait for my timing, and in my time I will allow you to reach out and grab them quite easily. But you need to be patient and wait for MY timing."
There have been countless times when I have allowed my circumstances, my troubles, my problems to overwhelm me and cause me to believe I am stuck and need someone else to get me out. I tend to forget that the Lord is always with me, and that he never let go. Nor will he ever let go. Granted, I will sometimes leave with some "battle wounds" (like 8 bruises and two rope burns), but those can serve as temporary reminders that God is the one who got me through. I cannot do it in my own strength, I can only do it with His help. Because without him, I am nothing, and I can do nothing. Period.
I want to strongly encourage you, dear readers, if you feel like you are tangled up in a mess, or you don't feel like God is with you right now. Look up. See that harness that is keeping you from falling? See the trees that are holding the rope you are about to let go of? That's God. He's always with you, He won't leave you, He loves you too much to let you go. He knows what He is doing, He still is in control, He still is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Trust in Him, take a step back, a deep breath, and ask Him to show you where the root of the problem lies. He'll help you. He always has...
He's still there, just look up, and if you must, take that step of faith. It's so worth it. Promise...
"If the Lord delights in a man's way he makes his steps firm; though he stumble he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand." - Psalm 37:23
Imagine 1 foot wide by 3 foot long planks attached by ropes followed by 2 foot wide swinging ladders, then tight-rope-cables with buoys to maintain balance, giant "U" shaped ropes all different lengths in a row creating a "rope bridge" and lastly a small platform that doubles as a zipline like those you see on a playground, all about 20 feet -30 feet off the ground with platforms in-between for resting points.
In other words, for someone who is scared to death of free falling and heights when not securely fastened (like in roller coasters), an absolute nightmare.
After each obstacle a small three foot platform is built around a tree so you can wait for others to cross without having extra dangers in the way. (Which comes in handy when you are already accident-prone-walking-blonde-moments-around-every-corner-like me.) Unfortunately, a mishap was inevitable during this course because God was not yet done in teaching.
While I was halfway through the "U" shaped ropes line I missed my step (also remember these things are only attached at the top, there were several times I almost did the splits) and soon found myself spinning to the right. I was holding onto the ropes of the first loop as well as the second in my attempt to balance myself, which instead caused me to twist them to the point I became stuck. I struggled to twist it back around and soon found my right leg slip and became a tangled ball of human and rope.
I called out to Carson, fearful as I could feel my hands slipping. (I completely forgot that I was harnessed. All I could think of is that I was falling, I was stuck, and I was scared out of my mind.) Several people called out, but their words all jumbled together. My fear clouded my mind and I closed my eyes so as not to look down at the dooming ground 20 feet below. Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity, I muscled the strength to shift my hands and pull myself up using only my arms. I finally became vertical again (rather than loopy-horizontal) and with deep breaths and concentration-along with the help of my friend, Ahnna, who was behind me and could see where my leg was stuck-I was able to free myself.
I made it to the second to last platform where I saw the last obstacle: the ziplining platform big enough for two. I had not gained enough confidence so I asked Ahnna to go with me. We pushed off as hard as we could and almost made it across. The pole on the platform was barely out of reach, but I thought with my long arms I could make it. Sadly, I missed it and fell completely off burning my hands as I gripped the side ropes of the zip line to as not to fall. I ended up falling anyways, with a jerking reminder that my harness was holding me up as it got caught against my neck jerking my head to the left. Once again had to pull myself back up, and someone had to go beneath us and take the extra rope to pull us to the last platform.
To say I was grateful to be on solid ground where the farthest I can fall is 5 feet 11 inches is the understatement of the year. Much like Red Three on The Pacifier after her older sister drove them to school, I was ready to kiss the ground and praise God for the most wonderful creation known to man.
Embarrassed and extremely sore, the Lord started speaking very clearly to me. "This exercise is symbolic of your life right now. You need to understand that even though you feel like you are in one, giant, big mess you an get out. It's not the end of the world. I am still holding on to you, even if you let go of me. But I have equipped you with just enough strength to pull yourself up, and to get out if you would only take a breath and a step back to see where the problem lies. You can get out of this, L, you just need to allow your trust in me overtake the fear that clouds your thoughts."
As for the platform falling he spoke again saying, "Your dreams are indeed closer than you think. You can see them, you're nearing, but you are not quite able to grab them just yet. Don't grow greedy in your patience, wait for my timing, and in my time I will allow you to reach out and grab them quite easily. But you need to be patient and wait for MY timing."
There have been countless times when I have allowed my circumstances, my troubles, my problems to overwhelm me and cause me to believe I am stuck and need someone else to get me out. I tend to forget that the Lord is always with me, and that he never let go. Nor will he ever let go. Granted, I will sometimes leave with some "battle wounds" (like 8 bruises and two rope burns), but those can serve as temporary reminders that God is the one who got me through. I cannot do it in my own strength, I can only do it with His help. Because without him, I am nothing, and I can do nothing. Period.
I want to strongly encourage you, dear readers, if you feel like you are tangled up in a mess, or you don't feel like God is with you right now. Look up. See that harness that is keeping you from falling? See the trees that are holding the rope you are about to let go of? That's God. He's always with you, He won't leave you, He loves you too much to let you go. He knows what He is doing, He still is in control, He still is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Trust in Him, take a step back, a deep breath, and ask Him to show you where the root of the problem lies. He'll help you. He always has...
He's still there, just look up, and if you must, take that step of faith. It's so worth it. Promise...
"If the Lord delights in a man's way he makes his steps firm; though he stumble he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand." - Psalm 37:23
-Saint
.JPG)
No comments:
Post a Comment