Wind of God: Break Me Down

Romans 8 talks about how nothing will separate us from the love of God, especially not powers or principalities of darkness. I can honestly say I'm finding out each day how more and more true this statement is becoming prevalent in my own life.  Then Proverbs 24:16 speaks on how a righteous man falls seven times but stands up eight. I would like to think of myself as (at least somewhat) righteous, but I keep getting knocked down.

I won't go into much detail but I will say these last few weeks have been some of the roughest I've seen in years. One of my most current struggle being that my apartment was broken into and they stole my wallet, purse, Bible, laptop and my glasses. I will say it sucks I lost those things, and while I say I couldn't care less, I was faced with more issues I received a notice in the mail that they have tried to charge over $200 in the last week--even though I called my bank and cancelled the card over a week ago when it happened. I also don't have a license so I can't open a new account until it comes in, which who knows how Long that will take. 

Honestly, if anyone ever said Christianity was easy I would ask what they're smoking because I've never known it to be even remotely resembling to that of a cake walk. My Christian walk has consisted more of land mines, heartaches and lots of trials. But that's just life though, no? Life is unpredictable on it's own, it's a roller coaster, and it brings storms of it's own that we can't expect to see coming. The only difference is my life comes with a special kind of "insurance" in that even when the you-know-what hits the fan I have hope and a supernatural peace that surpasses all understanding. I don't always receive it, because sometimes I would rather cry and scream, "Why me? Why again?! Why can't someone else go through this? Isn't three times of being robbed/burglarized enough? Can't I catch a break, even a short one?!" 

I actually had a moment like that tonight. If I can be honest... 

I was just feeling very worn, very beat down, tired, and honestly sick of it. 

I was having a selfish human moment, and I wanted God to hear about it.
(He and I have a nice relationship like that, He'll let me throw my fists in the air, cry a few tears, let out an explicit or two, sometimes, rarely, and when I'm done He will smile and ask, "Is that all?")

So tonight as I broke listening to "Wind of God" by Ascend the Hill (although to be frank even on my best day that song will break me), I began to beat my pillow and mentally crying out, said, "God, if you're so much bigger than my problems then why don't you just step in and stop them before they happen? If you love me so much then why do you keep letting me have such heartaches? Why can't someone else go through this much crap at once for once? I'm sick of being the example, I'm tired of being the strong one. Why don't you stop (these things)?"

He didn't miss a beat.

His immediate, yet lovingly quiet, response was, "Why aren't you giving them to me? Why don't you trust me? Yes, I could have stopped those things. And no. I didn't want you to go through all that. It's not because of what you've done that you're being attacked with (that), but because of what you'll do. You may not see your potential yet, but that doesn't mean that Satan doesn't. But yes, I could have stopped them, yes I am bigger than your problems. But what kind of a Father would I be if I did not give my child an opportunity to learn to fight her own battles and discover the strength she is capable of that is hidden deep within her? Yes I could fight your battles, but when you fight your own you grow stronger and you develop your character. It is for your own benefit and best interest that I let these things happen. Because while you can't fight on your own, you need to learn how to trust in Me and how to get back up when you fall down. I step in when I need to and I do not need to yet. You're not done, my dear, you're not even close. You're made of a lot more than you give yourself credit, and these fights are only proving this to be more and more true." 

I (love, but) hate it when He's right.

I know I am not out or even down for the count. If anything I probably just have a fat lip and a black eye, but that shouldn't be enough to make me quit, not yet. 

So persevere, my friends, when you endure trials of many kind and consider it all joy.

Because it means your faith is being tested and refined to make you more and more like your Father in Heaven. (James 1:2-4)

                                                                                                                                                     -Saint